Granted, the kitten craws into your engine compartment for warmth.... That wasn't a belt squealin'

I wish DxLISH would have came with the dancers...

Granted, we all came on your face

I wish I never had to shave my legs.

Granted. I'll be over later with the hot wax and the cloth strips.


I wish I could sleep better.

Granted but you sleep for a month & someone else got to do DxLISHs legs.
Snooze you lose.

I wish society would stop being so sensitive. Really ESPN! you had to fire Hank?

Granted. Society has lost all sensitivity, hell on earth erupts as we sink into a pit of anarchy.

I wish I had a vacation from my vacation.

Granted. Now you work, while you work, so you can work while you work. Also? You work at sleeping, eating, drinking, and other daily tasks.

I wish Cleveland wasn't getting colder...

I'd grant that, but that would mean Al Gore was right, and we can't have that shit. Sorry pal.

I wish Ghost could have a new wish

Granted, Ghost has a new wish, but he also has all of your wishes too.

I wish burritos were a "diet" food.

Granted. All burritos now taste like they were made from cardboard, and fucked by a rat with Hepatitis. Thanks for that. Good thing I like the Cheesy Gordita Crunch better.


I wish Taco Bell sold the Baja sauce they put on Gorditas all by itself. I'd buy that shit by the gallon!

Granted, but now you and the toilet are very close friends and now you wish you had a endlist supply of TP, enjoy



I wish i had boobs like jittery does, you bastard

Granted, now you get a lot of extra attention from lots of men.

I wish I was on a hayride right now!

Granted; now you are on the one that tips and kills folks. Great fun...crunch


I wish the Old Timers would recognize my brilliance and stop ridding my ass for not showing up to gatherings....

Granted, but like when Jerry Lewis goes, your brilliance will only be recognized when you're dead. Who's got the pickax??

I wish she would see sense and learn to face her fears.

I ALWAYS carry an axe

Granted, but while facing her fear, she realizes she was right to fear this, and is now a gonner.

I wish my brilliance is recognized way before I die.

Granted. Wait.....You gotta have it for it to be recognized. Sorry, you just die, but maybe they can write that on your tobmstone.

I wish November 8th was over so the politicians could go back to focusing on how to screw us over instead of how to get elected.