I cannot and will not take anything seriuosly. I love useless information. I am currently looking for answers to life's biggest mysteries....
Why is there brail on drive-up ATM's?
Why are they called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
A Woman's Poem
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A Man's Poem
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End
The problem with raising a daughter is knowing when is the right time to burst her bubble. Every little girl wishes for a handsome man riding on a beautiful horse wearing fancy clothes with a wonderful singing voice who will come and sweep her off of her feet. The problem is that this "man" isnt looking for a beautiful girl.... He is looking for another guy with the same fancy clothes and the wonderful singing voice.